The husband, reading the paper at breakfast as usual, takes his first sip of coffee and says angrily:
"Oh, hell, you know I don't take sugar in my coffee!"
"Yes, darling, I do. But I simply had to hear your voice."
Father is washing up in the kitchen. In comes his son, who asks:
"Dad, what's a bigamist?"
"A man who washes twice as many dishes as I do."
"You're terrible," complained the wife of a football fan. "You know the dates of all the games that are going to be played this season, you know the names of all the football players. But I can bet you don't remember the day we were married."
"Oh, yes I do. It was the day Chelsea beat Manchester United 4:0."
"My wife keeps nagging me for money. Last week she wanted 200 dollars, yesterday 130 and this morning 150."
"What does she do with it?"
"How should I know? I never give her any."
"You know, megalomania and an inferiority complex can actually go together."
"Take a man who's sure he's got the greatest inferiority complex in the world."